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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Unspoken

I don't know what triggered it but last night while listening to Jack Johnson's "Better Together" I started having these little heartaches. Maybe it's the lyrics or maybe the tune, I just suddenly felt sorry for the opportunities I missed or let go by not telling some persons what I truly felt about them.

You may ask why I didn't tell them in the first place. Well, that's me, I could be open with some people and then suddenly clam up on others. It usually depends on whom I am dealing with and the situation where we are at.

Like at this very moment, I cannot really open up for unknown reasons. Maybe for fear that one of the persons I am thinking of right now will find this blog and realize who I am talking about. Or maybe because I'm scared that one day I look back and read this post only to realize how stupid I've been for telling the whole world about my inner feelings.

When the chance to tell the person what I feel is gone, I feel so bad and blame myself for being so stupid. It haunts for days and something could bring back the feeling of regret for that time.

"Better Together" has this summer, breezy quality to it. It makes you remember some moments in the beach, the coolness of the juice of a young coconut and the warm sun on your skin. This leads us to another quirk I cannot explain.

I feel a certain melancholy when I am at the beach. The sound of the waves makes me feel sad, thinking of things I don't usually care about on ordinary days. There were times when I stand at the beach asking myself where these waters have been, whose lives they have touched and what memories they would tell me if they could speak.

Sometimes I wonder whether this is the same ocean that those people I have met and encountered see and hear when they go to the beach. If it is, then maybe I could tell the sea the things I wanted to tell them. Perhaps when the sea meets these people it could whisper to them the feelings that I have remained unspoken.